Christmas surprise

Christmas Eve morning, my significant other and I packed a picnic and took a drive up to the top of Mount Diablo. My stomach was feeling a little bit uneasy and as soon as we made it to the top of the eleven mile mountain, I jumped out of the car, got down on my knees and threw up for a good five minutes. After that, I felt better and was all set to go for a light hike on top of the beautiful natural site. After a long nap, we headed to San Francisco to celebrate Christmas and then decided to go to midnight mass to welcome Christmas. During mass, my baby was squirmy--even squirmier than usual. I leaned over to my significant other and jokingly told him that I was pretty sure our baby was just about ready to join us. At 1am, we parked outside of my apartment complex and debated if we should exchange our gifts that night or wait until Christmas morning. As we chatted and walked toward my apartment in the freezing cold night, I felt something warm and wet gush through my pants. I know that very few women have water that breaks in a gush and I had given up on the idea that my baby would arrive on Christmas eve, so I was in a bit of shock. Maybe it's something else, I said to myself before saying anything to my significant other. I took another step and felt another gush. "Honey, I think it's happening," I said.
"It's ok. We will be fine. Let's go in the house and check and then we can call the doctor if we need to," he assured me, trying to keep me calm.

We got into the house and I ran to the bathroom and the water just kept on flowing. I stepped into the shower and the water continued to flow out of me, as if I was a waterfall. I called the doctor as I stood in the bathtub and they suggested that I come in to confirm that in fact my water had broken. There was no question though...we knew the water had broken and there'd be no turning back. Unfortunately though, we were sure that the baby was going to arrive late that my hospital bag was no longer packed. We scrambled to find the ipod, the floppy frog that played the i-pod, pictures, appropriate clothing and more. By the time we were packed, it was after 2am. There was one more order of business that had to be taken care of before we could go to the hospital. We needed to exchange our Christmas gifts. We sat down under the Christmas tree and did a quick swap of gifts and exchanged a quick kiss. "Ok, this is it!" we said to each other. By 3:00am, we were at the hospital.

It still hadn't quite registered for me that in a matter of hours, we'd have a baby. Everything we'd learned in our birthing classes and on the videos we'd watched and books we'd read became fairly irrelevant. The hospital didn't have my birthing plan on hand. Once my contraction monitor was in place, I realized that all the jabbing back pains I'd been experiencing for the past weeks were contractions. In the labor room, my significant other settled into the cot and I got into the bed. We thought we'd rest up in early labor  and be fully energized and ready to push when the baby was ready to arrive. Turned out we were wrong. Every 15 minutes a nurse, a lab assistant, a midwife or someone else was in to check on me. By 8am, the midwife checked me and saw that I was 1.5 cm dilated..she to my dismay recommended that I start petocin. I negotiated and asked her to give me some more time. My significant other and I then put on our jackets and headed out of the room. We walked up and down stair cases, around the hospital repeatedly and then came back to the room. We repeated this a few times throughout the morning. At noon, a new midwife was on duty and was ready to begin administering petocin. I negotiated one more time. I asked her to give me two more hours to be active and see how much progress I could make on my own. By this point though, I could no longer walk more than a step or two at a time without keeling over or grabbing onto a pole, a wall or my significant other. I had a strong urge to push and was certain that they'd find that I was dilated and no longer in need of the petocin. When I got back to the room, the midwife let me know that she wasn't checking me again and that they were going to go ahead and administer petocin. I felt deflated and completely out of control of my own body. By now, my pain level was registering at a 9 or a 10 and I was feeling a constant urge to push. The nurse came in and let me know that she started petocin and came back a few minutes later letting us know that she'd doubled the dosage. I asked for a relaxant to take the edge of. The nurse than administered a four hour narcotic, as the entire medical team was sure I was no where close to delivering. The medicine took the edge off and knocked me out for up to 30 seconds at a time and then I found myself waking up in pain, laying on my side and pushing. I couldn't help it. It was almost like the pushes were completely involuntary. The midwife finally came to recheck me just to appease me and then confirmed that I was at 9.5 cm dilated and then all of a sudden, I was at a 10. I was in full labor while under the influence of the narcotic they'd given me just an hour earlier. First I used a squat bar and made some good progress. Then when I found my rhythm and was ready to keep pushing, the midwife removed the bar, had me get on my back and told me to hold my breath and be quiet. In all my classes, I'd learned about exhaling as a tactic for coping with pain and sound as the source of strength to get us through the intense pain and pushing. I had nurses on each side of me, pulling my legs back with a midwife sitting in front of me sternly instructing me of how and what to do. My significant other was at my side and encouraged me not to give up. "Honey you can do this. I saw her head. She has lots of hair. I know you can do it." The nurse brought the mirror and positioned it in front of me so I could see my progress. I could see the head crowing at the top of the contraction and then just when I thought the whole head was about to come out, my contraction ended and the baby went back inside. We repeated this process about 15 times. And then at last, we heard the click of a scissors--which was the sound of the midwife doing a second-degree episiotomy and then my baby girl was on my belly. What a relief! All of the chaos absolutely paid off and we were given the best Christmas present ever. A beautiful baby girl:).

Tests and Lessons from the Universe!

Sometimes life tests us more than we ever would have bargained for. We stay strong for the sake of ourselves and, for those of us who are pregnant, for the sake of our unborn babies. But every once in a while, we reach our breaking point and get teary-eyed while we're sitting in Starbucks writing a blog:). It's days like this when we need to remind ourselves what we're thankful for, and assure both ourselves and our unborn babies that everything's gonna be alright. For that reason, this blog is dedicated to my baby.

Dear Baby,
It's amazing to know that in less than fourteen weeks, you will be here! My ayurvedic doctor believes that baby's choose their parents and we are so happy that you choose us. There is so much to teach you about the world, but you have already taught us so much. Here are some lessons that I want to share with you.

Life is what happens when you are making other plans. 
In life, very few things go according to plan. Rather than getting upset when things don't work out as you'd hoped or expecting life to adjust to you, it's better to adjust to life. You were a surprise for us, but even before you've arrived, you've made our lives better. As we prepare to meet you in person, we are learning how to be the best possible people we can be, how to find our voices so we can do our part to make the world a better place for you to come to.

No matter how hard life pushes you, never forget what you are grateful for. 
In the past month, you have experienced a car accident (which resulted in mom's car getting totaled). You have moved out of your apartment and into a hotel with me, because there was toxic mold in our home. Because I am carrying you, I had the strength to insist that our home be properly inspected for the sake of both of us. I don't care that I've lost my car or that I'm living in a hotel room, I care that you are safe and healthy. Thank you for letting me know you are safe and healthy with your kicks and movements. Right now, you are feet first. Doctors called that the 'breached' position, but I call that the desire to hit the ground running like your mom. I'm guessing by the time you're ready to come out, you'll flip around so that you can be born in a natural way. But, we will welcome you to the world anyway you'd like to arrive. I'm grateful that before long, your papa, you and me will begin our lives together.

Be willing to change. 
Sometimes in life, we have to prioritize and make changes. Before you joined me, I traveled the entire world on a shoestring budget and your dad also enjoyed a bachelor's lifestyle. Now, I'm taking a break from traveling to prepare from you, and your dad is working on making some changes in his life too so that we'll be ready to move forward as a family. As you go through life and you are making choices, always ask yourself: 'Am I being the best possible version of me that I possibly can be?'  'Do I have any goals or dreams that I haven't met or tried to reach?' 'What is in my way and what can I do differently?' Always come back to those questions to center yourself.

You have all the answers inside of you.
Sometimes we tend to doubt ourselves and let the voices of other people outweigh our inner voice or that feeling we get inside of our stomach that tells us what is best for us. Process with other people, but always trust your instinct.

If you have a problem, own it and seek out support. 
Everyone has problems, but often people feel too ashamed or afraid of appearing weak or getting judged. You will learn that nobody judges you more harshly than you will judge yourself. Be grateful for having the courage and strength to own your problems and seek out support. It will be a freeing experience.

Always put yourself first. 
Sometimes people will tell you that thinking about yourself before others is selfish. Never listen to them. The stronger you are, the healthier you are and the better you feel, the more you will have to offer the world.

Always know that you are loved.
The second I heard your heartbeat, I loved you and knew I'd do everything in my power to give you a good life. I can't see you as clearly as your dad can during ultrasounds, but I know that the minute your dad saw you, he loved you.

You are in charge of your own destiny.
Life is way less about what happens to you than it is about the way you respond to it. Choose to have a fantastic, 'can-do' attitude and you will go far in life and likely be a happy little girl. You dad and I have strategically chosen a strong name for you, inspired in part by both of your grandmothers that will remind you to never lose hope.

Finally, only surround yourself with people who are kind to you and people will not hold you back when you have an opportunity to grow and flourish. Life is too short to do anything other than that.

Thank you for choosing us! We will see you soon!
Love,
Mom