Sometimes life tests us more than we ever would have bargained for. We stay strong for the sake of ourselves and, for those of us who are pregnant, for the sake of our unborn babies. But every once in a while, we reach our breaking point and get teary-eyed while we're sitting in Starbucks writing a blog:). It's days like this when we need to remind ourselves what we're thankful for, and assure both ourselves and our unborn babies that everything's gonna be alright. For that reason, this blog is dedicated to my baby.
Dear Baby,
It's amazing to know that in less than fourteen weeks, you will be here! My ayurvedic doctor believes that baby's choose their parents and we are so happy that you choose us. There is so much to teach you about the world, but you have already taught us so much. Here are some lessons that I want to share with you.
Life is what happens when you are making other plans.
In life, very few things go according to plan. Rather than getting upset when things don't work out as you'd hoped or expecting life to adjust to you, it's better to adjust to life. You were a surprise for us, but even before you've arrived, you've made our lives better. As we prepare to meet you in person, we are learning how to be the best possible people we can be, how to find our voices so we can do our part to make the world a better place for you to come to.
No matter how hard life pushes you, never forget what you are grateful for.
In the past month, you have experienced a car accident (which resulted in mom's car getting totaled). You have moved out of your apartment and into a hotel with me, because there was toxic mold in our home. Because I am carrying you, I had the strength to insist that our home be properly inspected for the sake of both of us. I don't care that I've lost my car or that I'm living in a hotel room, I care that you are safe and healthy. Thank you for letting me know you are safe and healthy with your kicks and movements. Right now, you are feet first. Doctors called that the 'breached' position, but I call that the desire to hit the ground running like your mom. I'm guessing by the time you're ready to come out, you'll flip around so that you can be born in a natural way. But, we will welcome you to the world anyway you'd like to arrive. I'm grateful that before long, your papa, you and me will begin our lives together.
Be willing to change.
Sometimes in life, we have to prioritize and make changes. Before you joined me, I traveled the entire world on a shoestring budget and your dad also enjoyed a bachelor's lifestyle. Now, I'm taking a break from traveling to prepare from you, and your dad is working on making some changes in his life too so that we'll be ready to move forward as a family. As you go through life and you are making choices, always ask yourself: 'Am I being the best possible version of me that I possibly can be?' 'Do I have any goals or dreams that I haven't met or tried to reach?' 'What is in my way and what can I do differently?' Always come back to those questions to center yourself.
You have all the answers inside of you.
Sometimes we tend to doubt ourselves and let the voices of other people outweigh our inner voice or that feeling we get inside of our stomach that tells us what is best for us. Process with other people, but always trust your instinct.
If you have a problem, own it and seek out support.
Everyone has problems, but often people feel too ashamed or afraid of appearing weak or getting judged. You will learn that nobody judges you more harshly than you will judge yourself. Be grateful for having the courage and strength to own your problems and seek out support. It will be a freeing experience.
Always put yourself first.
Sometimes people will tell you that thinking about yourself before others is selfish. Never listen to them. The stronger you are, the healthier you are and the better you feel, the more you will have to offer the world.
Always know that you are loved.
The second I heard your heartbeat, I loved you and knew I'd do everything in my power to give you a good life. I can't see you as clearly as your dad can during ultrasounds, but I know that the minute your dad saw you, he loved you.
You are in charge of your own destiny.
Life is way less about what happens to you than it is about the way you respond to it. Choose to have a fantastic, 'can-do' attitude and you will go far in life and likely be a happy little girl. You dad and I have strategically chosen a strong name for you, inspired in part by both of your grandmothers that will remind you to never lose hope.
Finally, only surround yourself with people who are kind to you and people will not hold you back when you have an opportunity to grow and flourish. Life is too short to do anything other than that.
Thank you for choosing us! We will see you soon!
Love,
Mom
Many people understand that life doesn't usually go as planned. But, no one understands better than moms. What happens when a mom raises two small children in the most expensive place in the country with her family thousands of miles away? She flies by the seat of her pants while trying to create normalcy and happiness for her children.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Coping with Unsolicited Advice & Loaded Questions
It's amazing how much advice you'll find that people have for you when you're pregnant. Sometimes it comes out in a straightforward manner and other times it comes out through sarcasm, loaded questions and implied craziness. Here are some of my 'favorites.'
1. "What??? You're going to have what kind of birth? You're not having an epidural!? Are you nuts?"
About half of all babies born in the United States are born to a mother who has had an epidural, which means that almost half are born to mothers who haven't had epidurals. I have quite a few friends who've given birth naturally or with the help of a non-invasive pain killer and a handful who've had epidurals. I think the way that we choose to bring our off-spring into the world is incredibly personal. My pilates instructor opted for an epidural after hours and hours of labor, which was a perfect choice for her. My friend in Australia made it to the hospital eighteen minutes before her baby was born and swears by giving birth the natural way. Another friend had a water birth in her own home, which was perfect for her. The bottom line is that only you know which method is right for you. In my case, I manage my health through Western and Ayurvedic medicine/holistic practices, so I am planning to go as natural as possible. In response to the people who question why anyone in their right mind would forego an epidural...
*It's personal. I'm not having one, but you can if you'd like to when you have you're baby. If you had one when you gave birth, don't judge me for not having one.
*On the medical side, there is risk of having a sudden drop in blood pressure and a severe headache caused by leaking of spinal fluid, shivering, ringing of the ears, a backache, soreness where needle is inserted, nausea and difficulty urinating.
*Pushing become more difficult, making it necessary to add meds such as Pitocin or to utilize a vacuum extraction or a cesarian for the actual birth.
*The lower half of your body is numb for a few hours after the birth and some babies have a hard time latching on for breast feeding.
*Permanent nerve damage can occur.
*Oh, and lastly, there has been a slight increase in deaths associated with epidurals since the mid 1990s. (It is rare that this would happen and it shouldn't deter you from having an epidural if that is what you feel is right for you, but again..it's such a personal area. So if someone is doing something different than you, opt to respect that.)
2. "Now that you're having your baby, your life is over..so get ready!"
I refuse to believe that my life ends when my child's life begins. Instead, I think it's more imperative than ever that parents continue to live, learn and grow along with their babies. There's no need to give up your hobbies or give up on a dream that you had..it might simply be necessary to tweak and prioritize. If you were a big partier before your baby was born, it's probably a really good time to trade in that habit. But, for the sake of you and your child, make sure not to assume that your life is over.
3. "Are you going to make your baby be a vegetarian?"
God, I hate this question. I'll always prepare high-protein foods for my family. If my significant other would like to prepare meat for himself and the baby, I certainly will not stop him.
4. "You're vegetarian!?? Are you getting enough protein?" an old lady sitting beside me on a plane barked at me.
Yes! There are tons of ways to get protein..nuts, beans, lentils, cheese and the list goes on.
5. "Now that you're pregnant, don't be surprised when you start craving meat. And when you do, make sure you eat it, your body is craving that for a reason."
Now that I'm pregnant, I crave more chipotle, Indian buffet and chocolate than before, but never do I crave meat. I am sure that some people, who avoid meat simply because of health, might crave it. In my case, if it has a face and it walks, I can absolutely not eat it and there is no chance that I will crave it.
6. "Don't be afraid to let yourself be vulnerable and be a stay-at-home mom."
I have absolute respect for women who choose to be stay-at-home moms, but that is not something within the realm of consideration for me. I love the work that I do and I am a multi-faceted woman. I believe that I can be a mom and a professional at the same time. At a practical level, although I'm not afraid to be emotionally vulnerable, I wouldn't allow myself to be fiscally vulnerable as an unwed mother.
7. "You're pregnant!? How did that happen?" asked one of my students as his face turned bright red.
Ummm...the regular way. Even though it is 2011 and close to half of all babies born in the U.S. are born to unwed parents, even the most liberal people are sometimes thrown off by the thought of an unwed pregnant woman.
8. "You better get organized and start buying stuff for your baby. You can't do this (parent) the way you run your own life. You can't be in the hospital giving birth and then send your friend to a department store to pick up stuff for you. You can't fly by the seat of your pants!"
First of all, everybody and their mother is buying stuff for my baby, which I totally appreciate. Second, when I was a single woman, it wasn't an issue to fly by the seat of my pants a bit. I could decide on Friday that I wanted to travel and do it because nobody depended on me. When I have a child and a partner in the mix, of course, I'm operating out of a different frame of mind.
9. "You're planning to breastfeed? Maybe you should do a mix of formula and breast milk so that your significant other can help more in the night time," offered up a friend who doesn't have kids.
Ummm, thank you. Let me know how this goes for you after you have a baby. Otherwise, I'll also have to work with my baby to find her rhythm.
10. "Be careful with the name you choose. You don't want kids to make fun of it at school. That name is too long. Choose at least two names, in case you want to rename the baby after she is born."
Thank you. The name is a surprise. We will definitely not change our mind, but I just nod and smile when I get the name advice. If you have family members or friends who will shower you with advice about the name, consider keeping it completely private. Once the bundle of joy arrives and is already named, they'll have no choice but to love your baby regardless of what her or his name is.
1. "What??? You're going to have what kind of birth? You're not having an epidural!? Are you nuts?"
About half of all babies born in the United States are born to a mother who has had an epidural, which means that almost half are born to mothers who haven't had epidurals. I have quite a few friends who've given birth naturally or with the help of a non-invasive pain killer and a handful who've had epidurals. I think the way that we choose to bring our off-spring into the world is incredibly personal. My pilates instructor opted for an epidural after hours and hours of labor, which was a perfect choice for her. My friend in Australia made it to the hospital eighteen minutes before her baby was born and swears by giving birth the natural way. Another friend had a water birth in her own home, which was perfect for her. The bottom line is that only you know which method is right for you. In my case, I manage my health through Western and Ayurvedic medicine/holistic practices, so I am planning to go as natural as possible. In response to the people who question why anyone in their right mind would forego an epidural...
*It's personal. I'm not having one, but you can if you'd like to when you have you're baby. If you had one when you gave birth, don't judge me for not having one.
*On the medical side, there is risk of having a sudden drop in blood pressure and a severe headache caused by leaking of spinal fluid, shivering, ringing of the ears, a backache, soreness where needle is inserted, nausea and difficulty urinating.
*Pushing become more difficult, making it necessary to add meds such as Pitocin or to utilize a vacuum extraction or a cesarian for the actual birth.
*The lower half of your body is numb for a few hours after the birth and some babies have a hard time latching on for breast feeding.
*Permanent nerve damage can occur.
*Oh, and lastly, there has been a slight increase in deaths associated with epidurals since the mid 1990s. (It is rare that this would happen and it shouldn't deter you from having an epidural if that is what you feel is right for you, but again..it's such a personal area. So if someone is doing something different than you, opt to respect that.)
2. "Now that you're having your baby, your life is over..so get ready!"
I refuse to believe that my life ends when my child's life begins. Instead, I think it's more imperative than ever that parents continue to live, learn and grow along with their babies. There's no need to give up your hobbies or give up on a dream that you had..it might simply be necessary to tweak and prioritize. If you were a big partier before your baby was born, it's probably a really good time to trade in that habit. But, for the sake of you and your child, make sure not to assume that your life is over.
3. "Are you going to make your baby be a vegetarian?"
God, I hate this question. I'll always prepare high-protein foods for my family. If my significant other would like to prepare meat for himself and the baby, I certainly will not stop him.
4. "You're vegetarian!?? Are you getting enough protein?" an old lady sitting beside me on a plane barked at me.
Yes! There are tons of ways to get protein..nuts, beans, lentils, cheese and the list goes on.
5. "Now that you're pregnant, don't be surprised when you start craving meat. And when you do, make sure you eat it, your body is craving that for a reason."
Now that I'm pregnant, I crave more chipotle, Indian buffet and chocolate than before, but never do I crave meat. I am sure that some people, who avoid meat simply because of health, might crave it. In my case, if it has a face and it walks, I can absolutely not eat it and there is no chance that I will crave it.
6. "Don't be afraid to let yourself be vulnerable and be a stay-at-home mom."
I have absolute respect for women who choose to be stay-at-home moms, but that is not something within the realm of consideration for me. I love the work that I do and I am a multi-faceted woman. I believe that I can be a mom and a professional at the same time. At a practical level, although I'm not afraid to be emotionally vulnerable, I wouldn't allow myself to be fiscally vulnerable as an unwed mother.
7. "You're pregnant!? How did that happen?" asked one of my students as his face turned bright red.
Ummm...the regular way. Even though it is 2011 and close to half of all babies born in the U.S. are born to unwed parents, even the most liberal people are sometimes thrown off by the thought of an unwed pregnant woman.
8. "You better get organized and start buying stuff for your baby. You can't do this (parent) the way you run your own life. You can't be in the hospital giving birth and then send your friend to a department store to pick up stuff for you. You can't fly by the seat of your pants!"
First of all, everybody and their mother is buying stuff for my baby, which I totally appreciate. Second, when I was a single woman, it wasn't an issue to fly by the seat of my pants a bit. I could decide on Friday that I wanted to travel and do it because nobody depended on me. When I have a child and a partner in the mix, of course, I'm operating out of a different frame of mind.
9. "You're planning to breastfeed? Maybe you should do a mix of formula and breast milk so that your significant other can help more in the night time," offered up a friend who doesn't have kids.
Ummm, thank you. Let me know how this goes for you after you have a baby. Otherwise, I'll also have to work with my baby to find her rhythm.
10. "Be careful with the name you choose. You don't want kids to make fun of it at school. That name is too long. Choose at least two names, in case you want to rename the baby after she is born."
Thank you. The name is a surprise. We will definitely not change our mind, but I just nod and smile when I get the name advice. If you have family members or friends who will shower you with advice about the name, consider keeping it completely private. Once the bundle of joy arrives and is already named, they'll have no choice but to love your baby regardless of what her or his name is.
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