Counting Blessings in the 40th Week.

I survived the first, second and third tri-mester, the 39th week and am now in the midst of the 40th week. Our daughter has turned into a wiggle worm, but she is snug and warm in my womb and so far as chosen to stay put:). It is now Christmas Eve, the day that I had mistakenly assumed to be the due date (it was actually two days earlier). The day is still young, so she still could decide to arrive today, but we'll wait and see. What I have noticed this holiday season is an extreme amount of kindness and touching moments lingering in the air. Maybe it's extra transparent, because of my extra pregnant state, but I thought I'd share some of the kind and touching highlights and lessons I was reminded of during my 40th week.

1. Everyone has a story with more depth to it than we might assume.
Last week while getting a pedicure, a white, seemingly upper-class woman in her late sixties came into the salon for a manicure. She brought a Christmas gift for her manicurist and chatted with me while she got her nails done. She asked the regular questions. Is this your first? When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl? Do you have a name? At some point, I turned the conversation. She shared that she had three children and a bunch of grand children. She referred to her current husband and her first one. Soon I learned that her first husband died in a tragic car accident when she was twenty-some weeks pregnant. As I listened to her story, feeling so grateful to have my partner alive and by my side for the pregnancy process. As I was digesting her story, I got a text message from another pregnant mommy that I'd been hanging out with throughout my pregnancy, saying that her contractions were just minutes apart and she was in the hospital waiting for her son to be born. All of a sudden, I found myself sitting in the nail salon with tears of happiness forming at the corner of my eyes.

2. Newborn babies are reminders of what we have to look forward to.
While going into my 39.5 week appointment, I passed a mother and her newborn baby in the waiting room. The sight of the two of them triggered an instant gush of tears. I remember in early pregnancy I was an emotional wreck, in mid-pregnancy, I was smooth sailing, but in extreme late pregnancy I'm filled with overwhelming emotions of happiness. Frankly it's embarrassing sometimes. But, oh well...we'll get through this.

3. Time with old friends is invaluable.
I have two special friends--one is ninety and his wife is just under ninety-one. The man always jokes that his wife robbed the cradle when she got him.  This past week, I visited the two of them to discover that they have adopted a new puppy. The two of them looked the most happy and radiant that I have seen them look in weeks. There is something extra special about spending time with people in their last phase of life as I prepare to welcome a baby into the very first phase of life.

4. Strangers can be very kind.
This week while braving the last minute holiday crowds, I made a series of purchases at Target. While I was waiting in life with my over-filled shopping cart, the woman behind me excused herself and walked to the front of the line. "Excuse me," she told the cashier. "I'm going to help load her cart." The woman than looked at me. "I'm so sorry, it took me a minute to see how pregnant you were. If I'd seen you sooner, I would have helped you earlier." I thanked her and told her I'd pay her good deed forward.

5. Everyone needs to know that someone cares about their well-being.
Yesterday when my boyfriend and I went to Kaiser for a delivery q and a session with a midwife, we started out in the standard way. The nurse called me back for preliminary vitals and the dreaded weight check. As the nurse checked my blood pressure, I looked up at her and asked her how her day was going today. The question triggered her. She broke down in tears and said, "not good...I'm trying to get through it, but I'm having a really hard day." We chatted a bit as she walked me to our room, but I could see she was in emotional pain. As we walked out after the appointment, we ran into the nurse again. Just before we exited, she said "Come here" and walked around the counter to meet us. "Let me give you a big hug." She did and she didn't let go for about thirty seconds. She thanked us for our kindness, apologized us for her meltdown and gave us blessings for our soon-to-arrive baby. I told her that sometimes when life feels out of control, we sink to the bottom of a pool before pushing off and then coming up for a fresh breath of air and a fresh start. "You know, that's exactly what I need to do," she said, as she wiped her tears from her eyes. As we walked away, I realized just how fragile we all can be. Sometimes all it takes is one person saying "How are you?" to remind us that we are never alone and that we will get through life's obstacles.

6. Sharing parking spaces is invaluable at this time of the year.
Yesterday after our appointment, we decided that we needed some frozen yogurt. We searched in the parking structure for a good amount of time. Then, a kind man walked out. "I'm right over here. Follow me," he said. He got in his car, opened his window and shouted "Merry Christmas."

7. Family--both biological family and chosen family--are so important.
During pregnancy, I've connected with some fantastic mamas in the making, formed deeper bonds with friends who already have children and with my significant other's sister--who is a friend, a mother and a family member by virtue of my relationship. My own family lives more than a thousand miles away so it's been fantastic to build connections with these friends. I've found that when you connect with others and share the positives of life as well as the struggles you're encountering (particularly with non-judgmental people), you can get through anything. Yesterday, I had an early morning chat with my significant other's sister and we reminded ourselves that sometimes in life it's worth setting aside our pride, letting our guard down and letting ourselves be vulnerable and authentic. The main risk of putting our full selves forward is the fear that others may reject us or not embrace us. But the risk of not doing that is far greater. Thank you for all of the important, reflective discussions:).

8. Always appreciate opportunities to take in the beauty of the world.
I'm grateful for the trip my significant other and I are about to take to Mount Diablo. It is a beautiful day in the Bay and what better way to celebrate our time together and the building of our family.

9. Look at unrealized timelines as lessons in patience. 
I'm learning from my Baby girl who was due a few days ago who valuable patience is. Rather than rushing her or feeling impatient with her, we're using this time to get extra prepared for her arrival and to schedule a few extra things together.

10. Be thankful for the kindness you'll encounter today. The day is just beginning. We haven't left the house yet, so it's hard to say what awaits us. But, I have learned enough about life to know that the energy we exude has something to do with the energy that we attract. If we go out into the world feeling positive and determined, we are bound to attract more of that. Merry Christmas!

39 Weeks!!!

Wow! Thirty-nine weeks ago, I was celebrating my birthday, sipping a glass of wine at Close Pegas winery and then watching the natural geysers in Calistoga with my significant other. I remember wearing a cute little white dress, gold wedge shoes and a fantastic over-sized gold ring and feeling so petite and cute that day. As I enjoyed the carefree day, I got excited while contemplating what the next year of life had in store for me and for us. I would have never in a million years guessed that thirty-nine weeks later, I'd be almost thirty-five pounds heavier, that I'd be in my second week of maternity leave and that I'd be on the brink of welcoming a baby girl to the world. But, here I am!

I can't remember the last time I experienced a full night of sleep! I've gotten used to mini meals at 4am. My significant other and I have had to adjust from our carefree, go with the flow lifestyles to the reality that by the end of the month we'll be parents and we'll have a small child counting on us. I still do reject the idea that many people from older generations try to push on us--the idea that once our baby enters the world, our lives will effectively be over. (I like to think that in order to be the best parents possible, we need to continue living, learning and growing along with our baby.) I've gone from working everyday, reporting for a radio station on the weekends and writing several evenings a week to spending a significant chunk of my free time with the mama-to-be friends (who are increasingly transitioning into mamas) and squeezing in a field story whenever I have the energy to do so. I've gone from being completely independent to now having my significant other want to join me while I'm covering stories like 'Occupy Oakland.' And rather than feeling hindered or like my independence is being compromised, I love his company. I'm learning everyday how to create space in my life for the blessing that will soon be joining us, how to go from being a fly-by-the-seat of my pants gal to a family woman:). Here's my latest round of discoveries for how to survive the final stage of pregnancy.

1. Don't use your busy schedule as an excuse to dodge your life issues. I was so busy with work and projects and so excited to start my maternity leave, and then when it finally began, I almost had a breakdown. People called me throughout the day and told me to live up my leave time, because my life would never be the same again. All of a sudden, all of the issues with my relationship that I'd put off thinking about because of my busy schedule starred me in the face. I kept the TV on and saw crappy talk shows and I imagined myself to be miserable stay-at-home mom. That night when I went to pick up my significant other from the train station, I greeted him in tears as I let him know that I didn't think I could do this. Like many dads in the pre-birth phase, he was also freaking out, but did so in silence as he spent hours playing games on his computer. That night we ended up talking about all of our hopes, fears and concerns--a conversation that was long overdue. We didn't come up with all of the answers and there are no sure-fire answers, but I felt more like we could find a way to handle this new adventure as a team.

2. Connect with other mommies-to-be and mommies. While taking pre-natal classes, I've managed to connect with some amazing friends who are going through the same life obstacles as me. Last week, I had brunch with two of my pregnant friends--A who was 39 weeks pregnant and F who was 34 weeks pregnant. We share our stories with each other about family pressure, transitioning from working women to women who will be spending significant amounts of time in the domestic front for at least a period of time, exchange stories about the bloopers we are experiencing with our significant others as we get ready for life changes, and more. You might find that many of your non-pregnant, childless friends are a little freaked out by your situation and aren't quite sure how to integrate you into plans anymore. Rather than resisting that or feeling hurt about it, go with it and accept that life changes. Lean on friends who are going through similar life experiences.

3. Read Amy Richard's 'Opting In.' Amy is a fantastic author who explores the issue of how woman can opt into motherhood without giving up on their own goals, dreams, visions and careers (if that's what they choose to do).  She's a strong feminist, a significant other, an activist, an author and a mom to two children. There are so many narrow messages out there about what it means to be a 'proper mom' that I think it's imperative to hear from women like Amy with a wider view of the complexities of motherhood and balance.

4. Bring lunch to new moms. Last week, my pregnant friends F and A brought lunch to our classmate from prenatal yoga who gave birth to a small baby a few weeks ahead of schedule. Prior to being pregnant and taking classes about pregnancy and how to treat new moms, I was likely a terrible visitor. I've learned that when you visit a new mom, there's nothing more important than being prepared to pitch in. Bring a meal, offer to hold her baby so she can take a breath or eat her meal. Whatever you do, don't expect her to take care of you:).

5. Be flexible with your plans. My baby is due in a week, but the last two weeks have showed zero progress in dialation. On my last visit, he let me know that my daughter may be dropping in on us a little bit later than expected. He offered tips for how to get her to arrive naturally in a timely manner without drugs like petocin or without a c-section, so I'll try those.

6. Stay active. My doctor advised me to walk everyday as if it's my job and then tongue in cheek, he suggested sex as a good way to keep everything moving along in a timely manner. In late pregnancy, both of those things can be challenging. Just as laying down, sitting or standing becomes uncomfortable, walking can be slightly uncomfortable and sex can seem more complicated than it's worth. But, my doc says it's good for your baby, for your body and for your relationship. Communicate with your partner. He can keep you company on your walks and together you can find your new rhythm for intimacy as well.

7, Make a daily to-do list. Think about things you'd like to accomplish each day and make a list. The list shouldn't just be house keeping projects, it should include things like exercise, time to touch base with friends, projects or hobbies you've been meaning to work on and for fun, throw in a few tasks that you've been meaning to take care of. Whatever you do, don't just vege out in front of the TV for the entire day.

8. Try your hand at a few new recipes or dinner creations and dine with your significant other whenever possible.  This is your time. Explore some healthy, but delicious options for dining. Cook and dine together whenever possible. Don't eat in front of the TV. Use meal time as another time to connect.

9. Communicate your boundaries and needs in a kind and respectful way. By virtue of carrying babies for nine-months, we're more connected to our babies and our needs as mothers than anyone else. While it's true that we didn't get pregnant by ourselves, there's no way for anyone--even our baby daddies--to know exactly what we need. If what you need is to have dad close by out of the reality that you fear going into labor alone, gently let him know. I've learned that others cannot read our minds. State what you need ahead of time to give dad an opportunity to understand and respond. Speak from the 'I' and be kind. Saying 'I'd really like you to be near me right now in case something happens' sounds much better than saying 'If you drink too much, don't come home tonight.' I made the mistake of saying the latter. My significant other immediately turned down his invitation from his friends, but I felt horrible. I felt so bad that I left the house, so he could go out without feeling bad. He ended up staying home and by the time I got home, I had terrible abdominal pain and we were afraid that stress would send me into labor. The moral of the story is be kind and direct. You want your partner to make decisions because they are good for the family...not because you guilt-tripped him.

10. Keep having date nights and date afternoons. In order to build a strong family together, you need a strong base. If your relationship suffers, it's difficult for the two of you to serve as a base for building a unified family on. Take time for each other. Communicate. Breath. Have fun. Laugh at mistakes. Be patient.