39 Weeks!!!

Wow! Thirty-nine weeks ago, I was celebrating my birthday, sipping a glass of wine at Close Pegas winery and then watching the natural geysers in Calistoga with my significant other. I remember wearing a cute little white dress, gold wedge shoes and a fantastic over-sized gold ring and feeling so petite and cute that day. As I enjoyed the carefree day, I got excited while contemplating what the next year of life had in store for me and for us. I would have never in a million years guessed that thirty-nine weeks later, I'd be almost thirty-five pounds heavier, that I'd be in my second week of maternity leave and that I'd be on the brink of welcoming a baby girl to the world. But, here I am!

I can't remember the last time I experienced a full night of sleep! I've gotten used to mini meals at 4am. My significant other and I have had to adjust from our carefree, go with the flow lifestyles to the reality that by the end of the month we'll be parents and we'll have a small child counting on us. I still do reject the idea that many people from older generations try to push on us--the idea that once our baby enters the world, our lives will effectively be over. (I like to think that in order to be the best parents possible, we need to continue living, learning and growing along with our baby.) I've gone from working everyday, reporting for a radio station on the weekends and writing several evenings a week to spending a significant chunk of my free time with the mama-to-be friends (who are increasingly transitioning into mamas) and squeezing in a field story whenever I have the energy to do so. I've gone from being completely independent to now having my significant other want to join me while I'm covering stories like 'Occupy Oakland.' And rather than feeling hindered or like my independence is being compromised, I love his company. I'm learning everyday how to create space in my life for the blessing that will soon be joining us, how to go from being a fly-by-the-seat of my pants gal to a family woman:). Here's my latest round of discoveries for how to survive the final stage of pregnancy.

1. Don't use your busy schedule as an excuse to dodge your life issues. I was so busy with work and projects and so excited to start my maternity leave, and then when it finally began, I almost had a breakdown. People called me throughout the day and told me to live up my leave time, because my life would never be the same again. All of a sudden, all of the issues with my relationship that I'd put off thinking about because of my busy schedule starred me in the face. I kept the TV on and saw crappy talk shows and I imagined myself to be miserable stay-at-home mom. That night when I went to pick up my significant other from the train station, I greeted him in tears as I let him know that I didn't think I could do this. Like many dads in the pre-birth phase, he was also freaking out, but did so in silence as he spent hours playing games on his computer. That night we ended up talking about all of our hopes, fears and concerns--a conversation that was long overdue. We didn't come up with all of the answers and there are no sure-fire answers, but I felt more like we could find a way to handle this new adventure as a team.

2. Connect with other mommies-to-be and mommies. While taking pre-natal classes, I've managed to connect with some amazing friends who are going through the same life obstacles as me. Last week, I had brunch with two of my pregnant friends--A who was 39 weeks pregnant and F who was 34 weeks pregnant. We share our stories with each other about family pressure, transitioning from working women to women who will be spending significant amounts of time in the domestic front for at least a period of time, exchange stories about the bloopers we are experiencing with our significant others as we get ready for life changes, and more. You might find that many of your non-pregnant, childless friends are a little freaked out by your situation and aren't quite sure how to integrate you into plans anymore. Rather than resisting that or feeling hurt about it, go with it and accept that life changes. Lean on friends who are going through similar life experiences.

3. Read Amy Richard's 'Opting In.' Amy is a fantastic author who explores the issue of how woman can opt into motherhood without giving up on their own goals, dreams, visions and careers (if that's what they choose to do).  She's a strong feminist, a significant other, an activist, an author and a mom to two children. There are so many narrow messages out there about what it means to be a 'proper mom' that I think it's imperative to hear from women like Amy with a wider view of the complexities of motherhood and balance.

4. Bring lunch to new moms. Last week, my pregnant friends F and A brought lunch to our classmate from prenatal yoga who gave birth to a small baby a few weeks ahead of schedule. Prior to being pregnant and taking classes about pregnancy and how to treat new moms, I was likely a terrible visitor. I've learned that when you visit a new mom, there's nothing more important than being prepared to pitch in. Bring a meal, offer to hold her baby so she can take a breath or eat her meal. Whatever you do, don't expect her to take care of you:).

5. Be flexible with your plans. My baby is due in a week, but the last two weeks have showed zero progress in dialation. On my last visit, he let me know that my daughter may be dropping in on us a little bit later than expected. He offered tips for how to get her to arrive naturally in a timely manner without drugs like petocin or without a c-section, so I'll try those.

6. Stay active. My doctor advised me to walk everyday as if it's my job and then tongue in cheek, he suggested sex as a good way to keep everything moving along in a timely manner. In late pregnancy, both of those things can be challenging. Just as laying down, sitting or standing becomes uncomfortable, walking can be slightly uncomfortable and sex can seem more complicated than it's worth. But, my doc says it's good for your baby, for your body and for your relationship. Communicate with your partner. He can keep you company on your walks and together you can find your new rhythm for intimacy as well.

7, Make a daily to-do list. Think about things you'd like to accomplish each day and make a list. The list shouldn't just be house keeping projects, it should include things like exercise, time to touch base with friends, projects or hobbies you've been meaning to work on and for fun, throw in a few tasks that you've been meaning to take care of. Whatever you do, don't just vege out in front of the TV for the entire day.

8. Try your hand at a few new recipes or dinner creations and dine with your significant other whenever possible.  This is your time. Explore some healthy, but delicious options for dining. Cook and dine together whenever possible. Don't eat in front of the TV. Use meal time as another time to connect.

9. Communicate your boundaries and needs in a kind and respectful way. By virtue of carrying babies for nine-months, we're more connected to our babies and our needs as mothers than anyone else. While it's true that we didn't get pregnant by ourselves, there's no way for anyone--even our baby daddies--to know exactly what we need. If what you need is to have dad close by out of the reality that you fear going into labor alone, gently let him know. I've learned that others cannot read our minds. State what you need ahead of time to give dad an opportunity to understand and respond. Speak from the 'I' and be kind. Saying 'I'd really like you to be near me right now in case something happens' sounds much better than saying 'If you drink too much, don't come home tonight.' I made the mistake of saying the latter. My significant other immediately turned down his invitation from his friends, but I felt horrible. I felt so bad that I left the house, so he could go out without feeling bad. He ended up staying home and by the time I got home, I had terrible abdominal pain and we were afraid that stress would send me into labor. The moral of the story is be kind and direct. You want your partner to make decisions because they are good for the family...not because you guilt-tripped him.

10. Keep having date nights and date afternoons. In order to build a strong family together, you need a strong base. If your relationship suffers, it's difficult for the two of you to serve as a base for building a unified family on. Take time for each other. Communicate. Breath. Have fun. Laugh at mistakes. Be patient.